Because I haven’t posted for a long time, here is at least a great recent article by Andrea Zanin.

Sex Geek

handshakeToday I want to tackle (read: tear apart) a common kink misconception I’ve been hearing off and on for the better part of twenty years. That is: in BDSM, the power is actually in the hands of the bottom or submissive.

This statement is profoundly weird. I think people started saying it in order to disrupt the idea that bottoms have no say at all, which I suppose is a laudable goal. After all, the “BDSM is abuse” crowd is not known for nuanced thinking, so I guess a strong pushback might have been necessary at some point.

But simply flipping the statement gets you a new one no better than the original. And frankly I think it’s reasonable for anti-BDSM folks to call bullshit on that kind of simplistic response, because it truly is bullshit, even if I find the rest of their politics abhorrent.

Let’s unpack it…

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