Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.

I have tried roleplay, but I do not quite get it, or I should say, get into it. As much as I like theatre and costumes and characters and have been relatively good as an actor in the past, playing a role in a scene does not seem to do the trick for me. I know that, in the context of a scene, I mutate and become lots of different thing, including a slave, a slut and a little girl, but those are not roles but facets of me, and it is as myself that I like to… give myself. So I like to watch roleplay because it is really fun to watch, but doing it myself never worked very well. Maybe the “good” role with the “good” person is awaiting me, but I doubt it.

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Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves?  If so, what are they?

Actually, I do not have any kinky/BDSM pet peeves worth mentioning. Call me a positive girl…

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Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

BDSM has entered popular culture, especially tv and cinema. CSI and all the other crime series all have had their BDSM episode in which someone is found dead and the police finally discover that they were involved in a BDSM scene at the moment of their death. I know that people can die during a BDSM scene, for kink, just as anything intense (extreme sports, for instance), is not risk-free. But people usually do not die doing BDSM just as most do not die skiing down a hill, and everybody has fun. Also, contrary to what is presented in those shows, most people involved in BDSM are not psycho (probably not more than the average citizen) although they might happily agree that they are perverts.

Also, I would like to clear up the fact that BDSM is violent. Yes, things happen that might look violent from the outside, but they are done from a place of love and are actually the opposite of violence. BDSM (at least the kind I like) is about caring.

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Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

To me, the ethics of kink is a flexible one within the scene/relationship, and yet a simple one outside the scene. I am aware that there are things that we do in BDSM scenes that might not look very ethical from the outside. The scene is a special place and time, outside the daily contingencies. And so is, to some extent, the dynamic of a BDSM relationship. But there is an ethics of kink and sometimes I feel it is stronger (or more strongly enforced, maybe) than in the rest of the world due precisely to our extreme practices. Basically, as long as all the people involved are comfortable with a given set of values, and there is (maybe) pain but no harm, I am fine with it. That being said, frankly, I do not see how the ethics of kink could be any different than any ethics. The rules and principles are the same, if applied to a more spectacular conduct.

Find the complete set of questions here.