30 Days of Kink

Here is a meme that I found on a few blogs. I am not planning to post an answer every day, but I eventually will go through all the questions.

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch?  What parts of BDSM interest you?  Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

Dom, sub, switch? The list is too short, and so are those words. I need the words “bottom” and “top” to fully define myself. And a few more. Although, I would say “submissive” is at the core of what I am, BDSM wise. However (again), submissive is not what I universally am.

SUBMISSIVE: I can only see myself being submissive in a context where I am being it to someone, or being someone’s. “A” submissive, to me, does not make much sense, as it is a dynamic, and a dynamic I engage into with someone specific, someone special. I can then choose to be submissive to them, or to be their submissive. It is a matter of level. That is as submissive as I would get, which does not mean that I do not then crave to be completely submissive. In this regard, “submissive”, to me, means “she who is surrendering everything to a special someone” (which I have been doing for over a year now, to a, indeed, very special someone). That is not an end, but an on-going, never-ending process. That “everything” is not “bulk-surrendered”, but is given/taken gradually, bits by bits, and over and over again, for the benefit of the one who dominates me (I like to believe that my “benefit” is collateral). That sounds pretty serious, doesn’t it? It is, but that is also exciting, exulting and very, very arousing to be aware and reminded that you have put and are putting yourself in someone else’s hands and that there is no going back within that relationship. That moment of realisation is what I crave.

BOTTOM: Bottoming is an option. I may not submit to everybody (and, really, I submit to only one), but bottoming, sometimes, does the trick for me. It is not a matter of degree or intensity, with submitting implying a greater dedication than bottoming, but a matter of quality: one can submit more or less, bottom more or less, but the two experiences, to me, are distinct if compatible. When I bottom to someone, I am in a different state of mind than when I submit. Yes, it is also a matter of putting oneself between someone elses’s hands, but bottoming, to me, is more on the physical side. However, I cannot help it: I always need to know that the person I bottom to is pleased with what is happening and that it is not only “all about me”.

TOP: Yes, I do top. It is something I discovered after I lived some of my bottoming/submission fantasies first. I do not think I could have topped at the very beginning, with all the cravings I had inside. Those had to be fulfilled before I could look around. Nor do I think I could only top only all the time, as something would be missing from my life, but, at the same time, the first minute of the first time I topped, I realised how gratifying (read: exciting, arousing…) that could be (before, I did not get what tops got from doing what they did). What I like in topping is the intense concentration, the extreme focus on the here and now that provides me. It almost feels like painting, except that the brush is a flogger or cane, the canvas is flesh, and the colour is pain or, at least, sensation.

MASOCHIST: Most likely.

SADIST: Probably.

SWITCH: Maybe.

Etc. Etc. Etc.

Find the complete set of questions here.