Archives de la catégorie en-reflection

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had.  If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

There are fetish parties and there are BDSM parties. There might be some fetish involved in BDSM parties, and some BDSM happening in fetish parties, but one particular experience showed me a slight difference between the former and the latter. We were at a fetish party on a kinky weekend in Montreal. People all around us were real eye candies, an amazing fashion show was going on, the music was entrancing, but we (I mean, my girlfriend and my owner) decided to wander toward the tiny play space furnished with scarce BDSM furniture and frames. One spot was available, some kind of wheel mounted on a platform, and with a structure to hold on to. We were not sure it was intended to be used as a play device, but we wanted to play a bit. But the minute we climbed onto it, my girlfriend getting prepared to flog my owner who was standing with me at her feet, that round, light structure began to… roll, with us on it! It took all our strength (and pride) to secure it back in place.

Find the complete set of questions here.

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

To me, the ethics of kink is a flexible one within the scene/relationship, and yet a simple one outside the scene. I am aware that there are things that we do in BDSM scenes that might not look very ethical from the outside. The scene is a special place and time, outside the daily contingencies. And so is, to some extent, the dynamic of a BDSM relationship. But there is an ethics of kink and sometimes I feel it is stronger (or more strongly enforced, maybe) than in the rest of the world due precisely to our extreme practices. Basically, as long as all the people involved are comfortable with a given set of values, and there is (maybe) pain but no harm, I am fine with it. That being said, frankly, I do not see how the ethics of kink could be any different than any ethics. The rules and principles are the same, if applied to a more spectacular conduct.

Find the complete set of questions here.

Day 10: What are your hard limits?

Besides the usual trio no kids/animals/scat I have only a few fundamental ones and otherwise I am just happy to have my limits pushed by someone I trust. I would say the most critical one, because it is linked to very early experience is the way one makes me feel in a scene: please, insult me, debase me, humiliate me, beat me, but please, do it from a place of love and not scorn, make me feel helpless but do not make me feel worthless.

Find the complete set of questions here.

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

Hmmm, tough question. Not that I cannot think of an answer. I just do not know which one to choose. Plus I must say that my kinkiest songs are not really kinky songs (I mean, with kinky lyrics), but songs with a music by which I can feel fucked and whipped. Anyway, here are two songs, one in French, one in English, off the top of my head.

Claire Diterzi, “Tableau de chasse”

Danse avec moi
Poupée de crinoline
Deviens ma proie

Vierge aux abois
Va et viens
Défais-moi donc ce lit à baldaquin
Qu’en deux temps trois mouvements
L’on badine

Eurythmics, “Sweet Dreams (are made of these)”

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
I travel the world
And the seven seas
Everybody’s looking for something.

Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused.

Find the complete set of questions here.

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

(Update: The image disappeared.
So here is a link to the dvd cover that shows
a partial view of the same image.)

I like this image because I remember well the context: The image is from the movie Story of O. O has asked to be whipped in order to show that a man she cannot be saved from the life she lives and needs. Very powerful.

Find the complete set of questions here.

Day 7: What’s your favourite toy?

A few toys are my favourite, depending on the context. Canes are the implements I prefer when it comes to being hit. I fear them, they can hurt like hell, they leave nasty marks and… they are hot. I like to use them when I top too. They require lots of concentration, because you want to control your strength, your aim, but at the same time they are very easy to use (easier than a whip, for instance). My favourite cane, however, is not exactly a cane, but a big stick that my owner uses to beat me and to fuck me. I like when it lands on my ass and makes me cry, and also when it is in my cunt and is hit so it resonates throughout my belly. In another context, the fur-lined cuff attached to a chain attached to the post of the bed that my owner buckles around my ankle for the night is the most reassuring thing in the world and I cherish it. But really, those are only examples of toys I like.

Find the complete set of questions here.

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

I have this extreme jail fantasy. I wrote a story about it, that I might publish someday, but I can also envision it as a scene, with me as prisoner, someone as my jailer, and maybe other torturers. This scene would be a long one, so long it would feel it like it would never end. It would be some kind of intense D/s session, but aiming at pushing me beyond my last resistances – and the top’s, most probably. I do not see as roleplay, but just as regular play between someone I trust (my owner, for instance) and me. Trust would be paramount in that kind of scene. So for an extended period of time, I’d be stripped of everything, put in a cage, fed like an animal, beaten at my jailer’s whim, fucked, of course, whenever she sees fit. I am craving to lose all dignity… and that scares me at the same time. The scene could be interrupted by real life at some point, but it would resume eventually until everything has been pressed out of me. Is that a weird or interesting scene? I don’t know. But it sure is a fundamental one for me, a scene that dates back when I used to play Barbie (see day 4), although I am not so sure how far I could go without breaking down, and also how far would a dominant go into that scene before it became too much for them too.

Find the complete set of questions here.

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience?  If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

It is hard to identify my first kinky sexual experience, I mean one that was not just virtual, fictional or a fantasy going on in my head. Back then I had to talk my partner into gradually moving toward kink, so there was no drastic jumping into kink, but rather a continuum. I remember very well one experience, though, that made me aware that there was no going back; that, all that time I had been on the right path. It was at a kinky weekend, one of the few I had been without my partner (with whom I then had theoretically opening but still an actual monogamous relationship). Before I went, we made an agreement: she would trust me and, in return, I would not go further than I thought was safe for both of us. The last day of the event, I found myself playing with a transman. It had started only as some kind of game: he wanted to try his canes, I wanted them tried on me; he had needles, I had available skin. Finally, we played for I don’t know how long, but certainly for an hour, and canes were used over needles too. At the end, my breast and ass were black, blue and red, and I was flying and kept flying the days after contemplating my bruises.

Find the complete set of questions here.

Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hinted at your kinks?

In retrospect? Oh yes. The general way I approached sexuality from the very beginning, and my intimate relationships, for example, or what I seeked (and fortunately found) in my partners. But also, much earlier experiences. Me in the school yard playing with the other kids a game in which members of a team were “captured” and held by the fence, then freed by their teammates, with all those images going on in my imagination, images of being chained to the fence, for instance. At approximately the same age, me watching pirate or peplum movies in which people were captured, tied up, whipped… More specifically, Planet of the Apes with human being caged and enslaved. And me playing Barbie, in my own personal way, alone in my room, because I already had this sense that the way I was playing was special: Barbies held prisoners, tied down with leatherette bracelets, chained with necklaces, whipped with tiny little whips I made with elastic bands… And, later, me playing the same game in my head, for I was too old for Barbies, self-censoring those images because they were not proper (how could I, a feminist, nurture all those images of enslaved women?), then finally going back to them as bedtime stories. Early short stories, also, and especially one involving power exchange and leather gloves.

Find the complete set of questions here.

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?

I was an early kinkster in my head, but a late bloomer in my life. I finally acknowledged and recognized the fact that I was kinky in a moment in my life when I was questioning my sexuality. Events had occurred in my life (elements of a relationship) that had made me think that I was not completely living everything that made me sexual, if I may say. I realised there was a cleavage between, on the one hand, what I was experiencing as fulfilling and how I behaved when I was being sexual, and what, on the other hand, my partner was expecting from a non-kinky point of view. I also realised I was censoring myself in order not to be… what? outing myself as kinky? too intense for my partners? I never thought about it that way, but, thinking back, I guess that is what it was. So I began questioning myself about what aroused me, just as, years before, I had questioned myself (and found an easy answer) about my sexual orientation. And just as, back then, when I had engaged in the process of acknowledging I was a lesbian, or a dyke, or queer (not everything came at the same time) and began with theory instead of practice, when I decided to explore what triggered my sexual response, I began by a virtual exploration. Back then, I had read books, tons of books. Now that I was a writer, I started to write an erotic story. Well, what I thought would be an erotic short story, and that finally became a full-length bdsm novel about a D/s relationship (a novel written in French which can be found here).

Find the complete set of questions here.