Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

To me, the ethics of kink is a flexible one within the scene/relationship, and yet a simple one outside the scene. I am aware that there are things that we do in BDSM scenes that might not look very ethical from the outside. The scene is a special place and time, outside the daily contingencies. And so is, to some extent, the dynamic of a BDSM relationship. But there is an ethics of kink and sometimes I feel it is stronger (or more strongly enforced, maybe) than in the rest of the world due precisely to our extreme practices. Basically, as long as all the people involved are comfortable with a given set of values, and there is (maybe) pain but no harm, I am fine with it. That being said, frankly, I do not see how the ethics of kink could be any different than any ethics. The rules and principles are the same, if applied to a more spectacular conduct.

Find the complete set of questions here.

Day 10: What are your hard limits?

Besides the usual trio no kids/animals/scat I have only a few fundamental ones and otherwise I am just happy to have my limits pushed by someone I trust. I would say the most critical one, because it is linked to very early experience is the way one makes me feel in a scene: please, insult me, debase me, humiliate me, beat me, but please, do it from a place of love and not scorn, make me feel helpless but do not make me feel worthless.

Find the complete set of questions here.

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

Hmmm, tough question. Not that I cannot think of an answer. I just do not know which one to choose. Plus I must say that my kinkiest songs are not really kinky songs (I mean, with kinky lyrics), but songs with a music by which I can feel fucked and whipped. Anyway, here are two songs, one in French, one in English, off the top of my head.

Claire Diterzi, “Tableau de chasse”

Danse avec moi
Poupée de crinoline
Deviens ma proie
Libertine

Vierge aux abois
Va et viens
Défais-moi donc ce lit à baldaquin
Qu’en deux temps trois mouvements
L’on badine

Eurythmics, “Sweet Dreams (are made of these)”

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
I travel the world
And the seven seas
Everybody’s looking for something.

Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused.

Find the complete set of questions here.

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

(Update: The image disappeared.
So here is a link to the dvd cover that shows
a partial view of the same image.)

I like this image because I remember well the context: The image is from the movie Story of O. O has asked to be whipped in order to show that a man she cannot be saved from the life she lives and needs. Very powerful.

Find the complete set of questions here.

Day 7: What’s your favourite toy?

A few toys are my favourite, depending on the context. Canes are the implements I prefer when it comes to being hit. I fear them, they can hurt like hell, they leave nasty marks and… they are hot. I like to use them when I top too. They require lots of concentration, because you want to control your strength, your aim, but at the same time they are very easy to use (easier than a whip, for instance). My favourite cane, however, is not exactly a cane, but a big stick that my owner uses to beat me and to fuck me. I like when it lands on my ass and makes me cry, and also when it is in my cunt and is hit so it resonates throughout my belly. In another context, the fur-lined cuff attached to a chain attached to the post of the bed that my owner buckles around my ankle for the night is the most reassuring thing in the world and I cherish it. But really, those are only examples of toys I like.

Find the complete set of questions here.

Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hinted at your kinks?

In retrospect? Oh yes. The general way I approached sexuality from the very beginning, and my intimate relationships, for example, or what I seeked (and fortunately found) in my partners. But also, much earlier experiences. Me in the school yard playing with the other kids a game in which members of a team were “captured” and held by the fence, then freed by their teammates, with all those images going on in my imagination, images of being chained to the fence, for instance. At approximately the same age, me watching pirate or peplum movies in which people were captured, tied up, whipped… More specifically, Planet of the Apes with human being caged and enslaved. And me playing Barbie, in my own personal way, alone in my room, because I already had this sense that the way I was playing was special: Barbies held prisoners, tied down with leatherette bracelets, chained with necklaces, whipped with tiny little whips I made with elastic bands… And, later, me playing the same game in my head, for I was too old for Barbies, self-censoring those images because they were not proper (how could I, a feminist, nurture all those images of enslaved women?), then finally going back to them as bedtime stories. Early short stories, also, and especially one involving power exchange and leather gloves.

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Day 2: List your kinks.

If I were to list all my kinks, the list would be very long. And unfinished, as I discover new ones, or variations on existing ones, all the time. (By the way, those who say that living your fantasies can be risky as it gradually deprives you from fantasies are miserably wrong: living your fantasies only leads to the creation of new, more complex fantasies.)

So, a summary of my kinks… Some are more on a psychological level, others are more physical, but they all fuck with my brain as they all play with power. For a long time, I thought that pain was not my kink, but that experiencing pain in my body helped me be more aware of my state of submission. I still think that is true, but I have to admit that I like pain, that I crave and need pain, sometimes, somehow. When it is happening, it keeps me focused; when it has happened, I feel powerful; when it does not happen for a while, I become grumpy then numb. On the receiving end, my kinks go to heavy play. I may be not the heaviest of players (but it is not a contest, is it?), but I like types of play that feel heavy, edgy. I like to feel like a slave, a pet, a piece of meat and also to look up for a split second and see the satisfaction in her eyes, or to hear it in her voice. To be chained, to be made to eat on the floor or from my dominant’s hand… Needles through my skin, in the most intimate places… To be ordered to do humiliating things, to be humiliated in front of other people, to be made to show how much that arouses me… The heat of hot wax going through me… To be pressed down by a boot, and yes, the sole can be on my face… Having my holes filled… Intense thrusting, wherever feels appropriate… Thorough beatings with canes, whips, bare hands, until I collapse… I like to cry in a scene, and I like it when my tears do not mean the end of a scene. I like to be stripped naked of my clothes, of my pride, of my self-control.

On the pitching end, I enjoy the same thing, I guess, except that I have not experienced everything above. I like I like to inflict pain with a cane or crop or a handful of needles. I like to be mean. I like to look them in the eyes and smile. I like to punch them in the chest, in the back, I like to kick them. I like to pin them down and to invade their privacy. And I need them to show me they like it for otherwise it is pointless.

Find the complete set of questions here.